Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
