FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
40s are totally the cure
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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