Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
This is my life. Enjoy the view
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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