ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
