So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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