Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize