hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
