my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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