No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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