If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
