careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
