Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
