There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
