I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
