is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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