Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
