32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
