I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
