Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
