Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
