She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
3 2 1 whiskey
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
How does one acquire holy water?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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