You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
