I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize