if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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