okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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