my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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