fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm bleeding and have questions
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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