So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
