She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
