um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
