pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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