I wish you could order shots online.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Randomize
