I only kidnapped one of them. chill
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
