Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
