I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
