I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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