now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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