I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
