You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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