She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize