It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
