Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
