Too much gin, very little bucket
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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