I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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