And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
