I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
