She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
