my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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