He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
