Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
