What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
