Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
