If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
