one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
