just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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