doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
