Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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