new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
