Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I am midnight drunk by noon
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
