Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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