i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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