I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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