Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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