I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
