We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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