Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
