Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
