dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
