These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
