is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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