Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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