We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
