win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
