are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
