I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
