you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We need to get me chipped asap
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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