my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
