she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Randomize
