hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
