My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
