Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
