About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
