There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
