Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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