My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
