he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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